apparently the secret to your success is patron
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
