I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Come on in and take your pants off
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