Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
