you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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