I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
