just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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