It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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