just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i barfeds in our rink
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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