I puked a lego.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
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