its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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