I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you guys were way drunker than both of me
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
