Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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