Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
