I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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