Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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