so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Randomize
