Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
