they need to just BURY HIM!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
