How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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