So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
