never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
