Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
