i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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