she looked like the before picture.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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