i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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