There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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