We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
