i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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