Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
