It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
