So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
