Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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