smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
