You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
