oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
