I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
