I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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