A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
