when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Randomize
