you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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