he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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