I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
