so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
