I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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