Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize