Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you had me at cake vodka
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
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