yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm too high and old for this...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
