when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
