We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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