He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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