porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
