There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
