Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
