DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
