my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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