Someone shit on the floor
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
